You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start to do better when they are competing for students.
When you become senile, you won't know it.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.
The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.
Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.
In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and...mothers. Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it.
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated, shut up.
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Gray hair is Gods graffiti.
All Children Have Brain Damage!
A word to the wise ain't necessary, It's the stupid ones who need advice.
A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.
A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.
